Tuesday, April 16, 2013

To the Love of my Life

“If  all else perished, and *she remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and *she were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.” Emily Bronte (Wuthering Heights)

*reworded 'he' to 'she'

The  night was long, the pain was unimaginable, and the nurses barely spoke English but I assured myself that childbirth is as universal as breathing so everything will be fine.

After two hours of excruciating pain, you arrived. Thanks to you for not letting me  undergo  longer than that. The whole birth experience was something that I hope to keep indelibly imprinted in mind. Should nature intervene and give me dementia, of all memories, I hope she will spare you and that day. And you know what I did by the first time I laid eyes on you? I planted a kiss on your face.

Today  you  turn  1.  I  would  love  to  hear from you how exactly are you feeling.  Lately,  I  can sense that you are trying to make a conversation. You love to touch  people’s  faces, point your little finger at my mole, scratch the walls, hold your neon green toy shovel as if your life depended on  it  (of  all  your  toys?!), and  constantly likes to be watched or accompanied  every  single  second  (which  is  the exact opposite whenever you’re in daycare).

In  your  younger months, the two of us spent most of every day together. I had my frustrations and postpartum which are normal for a new mom and being hands-on without much help from others was not at all easy. In spite of that, I have no  regrets. You  kept  me  alive and inspired  to be better. In fact, I could not be happier spending your first 8 months with me.

You are now officially a toddler, and lately added ‘play’ as a favourite pastime. Enjoy it! I confess that sometimes I do miss your baby self. The tiny person dressed in onesies that would send me panicking at a loud cry.

But don’t grow up so fast. Ever since I went back to working, our time spent together are limited to weekends and whatever little time left before you sleep at night on weekdays. Forgive me if that is not enough but I’m doing this for us. I dream big because of us. I actually can’t wait to travel and see the rest of the world with you.

I  look  forward  to  holding hands with you while walking (and wearing matching outfits) --- but I can wait because I don’t want you to rush getting old (let me tell you that being a kid without a care in the world is still the best time…EVER). So take time learning in your own little ways, have your knees bruised from crawling but please no more head banging.

Like I said  before, I cannot promise you the world but I can assure you that you are my world.

3 comments:

sweet song said...

i like post and so nice

Nashe^ said...

AWWW I had a ghost of a sappy sob as I read this :') Here's to a joyful motherhood for you, Amor!

bluearden said...

This a beautiful letter :-) How I wish I could know what my mother was also experiencing at that time.