Friday, August 31, 2007

'ber napud

Time flies so fast that the next thing you know, the last 4 months of 2007 officially begins tomorrow. Subsequently, that would mean Autumn is setting soon..and the greatest setback that any tropical-loving individual (such as me) dreads, is the cold shivering weather. *sigh* Must prepare (and wash) those mufflers, jackets and the rest of the cold-season paraphernalia.

In my MUCH younger days, i am one of those who look forward to 'ber months. For me, those months define pre-christmas rush. The presence of holiday frills & decorations in malls, media and homes is something exciting for me that sometimes, i find myself smiling for no apparent reason while humming christmas carols.

*sigh* i miss being a kid.

The past christmases had been different. I guess my indifference started in 2004, when i spent my first christmas in tokyo..alone. It was soo sad, i felt like crying while people back home were doing the opposite. Though I had a mini-party with co-workers, it was just not enough to cover up the emptiness i felt.

The idea of something I was accustomed suddenly came to an end. i resisted the change that unfolded before me and to no avail, i remain defeated. Then consequently, the next christmases seem to have been like that...and i seem to have gotten used to it..Not that i loathe it, i have long accepted the fate and character i chose...but deep within, i long to be a kid again. i'd like to be happy without having to worry that misery is just around lurking, waiting for the right time to defeat my happiness.

Not that i am no longer excited over christmas. It's just different, now that i officially became a full-pledged adult (uhmm, 9 yrs. ago to be exact). I have not lost my spirit yet i am slowly abandoning the kid in me. The kid may at times so persistent, coming back and allowing herself to reign over the maturity i am trying to build. I can never kill her. She is annoying that most often i give in. Her cheerful disposition is just irresistible.

With the 'ber months approaching, there are more and better things to look forward to. one would be the sweet freedom that i have longed for. Going back to Cebu. Creating a new path. Scout for a nest. Figure things all over and ponder on the word 'retention' for 3 years..or shorter.

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